And Then There Were None...

 Quinn Unn Gerda

11/2009 - 2/2014

Our beloved Norwegian Elkhound Warrior Princess has earned her wings. We knew from the diagnosis in October 2023 that she was not going to have a lot of time. She gave us more time than the vet (and we) expected. Because that's how she rolls -- rolled. She was just shy of 14 1/2 years old. 

I'll write more later, once my brain settles down a bit. 

Things I'd Like to Ask my Sister...

I don't know why this hit me today. Well, yes, I do. My friend's sister's one-year anniversary of death is today, and I just saw a commercial on TV about Subaru's work with cancer patients. "When you have cancer, you want support."

Not always... My sister, sadly, retreated deeply into herself and got extremely panicked with the thought of anyone coming to see her. It was quick (while simultaneously seeming to be forever because we were shut out), and it wasn't peaceful. And we, her extended family, were distraught that we were unable to support her. 

So here's what I'd like to ask her:

• How long did you really know that you had cancer? You were an extraordinarily talented diagnostician as a nurse. You had to have a clue. 
• Why did you retreat? 
• Were you afraid we'd judge you?
• Please don't tell me you were too vain to let us "see you like that" because I don't want to believe it (though, to be honest, you had a wide streak of "vain" in you, not gonna lie!)
• Did you know back in September the year before that there was something wrong? That cough of yours...I should have pressed you more. And you said you had a "bug bite" that wouldn't heal. I should have asked about that. But I know your propensity to rip my head off if I come off as "giving advice that's not wanted."
• Would you have changed your mind if you knew how much this would rip our family up? You have siblings who remain devastated. 

And I'd like answers, though I'm not sure I will ever get them, this side of Heaven.

Which brings up a good question. My sister wasn't religious. So does that mean that if I believe in an afterlife, she doesn't and we'll never meet again? I can't quite wrap my head around that. It's something I do grapple with. 

Recipe...

I need, after the surgery, to get more veggies/fiber in my diet. That surgery really did a number on my bowels, to be honest. And I know that even though the doctors said I'm "borderline anemic," and they want me to eat more protein, I don't do well with a lot of meat in my diet. I never have; I asked my mom. I thought it was a "later in life" peculiarity, and she said that I never was one for eating a lot of meat. Nice to know. 

So I took a page from the Vegan Kid's book and I've made these "dump salads" before. Here's the latest version.

Vegan Dump Salad #4 (I have no idea which number this actually is, but let's just say it's the fourth version)

1 box Chickpea and Lentil pasta cooked per package directions

1 can of French-style green beans, drained

1 can garbanzo beans, drained

4 radishes, sliced thin and quartered (depending on the size of the radish)

2 pieces roasted red pepper, diced

4 green onions, sliced thin, white and green parts

1 can bamboo shoots, drained

Salt & pepper to taste

2 T. Penzey's Potato of Love

1 c. roasted Butternut Squash (optional)

1/2 c. slivered almonds or chopped walnuts (optional)

Balsamic Dressing (see below for recipe)

SMALL BATCH BALSAMIC DRESSING: (This is good for 2 large salads and can be refrigerated for a couple weeks)

2 T. balsamic vinegar

2 T. Dijon mustard

1 T. honey (or maple syrup if that's your preference)

1/4 t. kosher salt

6 T. olive oil

In a medium bowl, so you have some "whisking room," add everything EXCEPT the oil. Whisk to blend and make sure it's blended well. This is a small batch, so it's easier to whisk by hand. 

Add, BY TABLESPOON, the oil, mixing well after each addition of oil. 

SALAD: Drain the pasta and rinse with cool water. Dump everything into a large bowl (I use a Rubbermaid one with a cover so I can keep it in the fridge). Add about half the dressing and mix well. Let it cool for a couple hours. Upon serving, sprinkle with the nuts if you're using them. Serve with crunchy bread or crackers.

OPTIONS: I always love options. Normally, if I had them, I would add a can of corn, a handful of dried cranberries, maybe golden raisins. You can use regular pasta in any variety or shape if you want, and you can add chopped chicken if you want - shrimp would be good, too, if you're not styling this as a vegan dish. Instead of pasta, try quinoa for even more protein. Add more beans. 

Guilty Pleasure...

I really don't have many vices. OK, excessive purchase of yarn and books. But I don't drink alcohol, I don't smoke or swear. Mainly I drink tea and water. I'm pretty boring. 

I have found Nutella. Yeah, I know - a gazillion grams of sugar in that stuff. But oh, my word! It's just addictive on English muffins. 

Just a random note about me, I guess. I have a sweet tooth. 

Random Picture...

Yesterday, I was "in the out." I sat outside while Hubby was putting together our little fountain. He was cussing. Apparently, the old pump motor froze up and it won't go. We have a spare one, but by the time he realized he couldn't make the old one go, he was pretty frustrated. 

I brought out my $10 solar fountain. Yeah - it's not exactly top of the line, and it needs to be replaced every year because our water is so hard and full of minerals. But it works well in our little bird bath, and it keeps the water moving. 

And we tried a "hack" I found on a gardening forum of putting 7 pennies in the bottom of the bird bath to keep algae at bay. We'll see if that works. 

The sky was beautiful. It was unseasonably cool for July in Illinois, and the birds were chirping. We sat for a while and just enjoyed the view. 

This morning, I saw a hummingbird stop briefly at my new feeders (we're pretty late in the season, but better late than never). Storms are supposed to move in later; I hope it's not a tease because we need the rain. 

Enjoy whatever today brings you! 

 

Six Weeks...

My sister, Liz, is dead. She died on Friday at 2 a.m. 

I bought a birthday card today and thought, "I can send this to her..." but I can't. Because her birthday will be Monday; she'd have been 63.

She died of a rare and aggressive cancer. 

We're heartbroken. She didn't have time to say goodbye to anyone. We didn't have time to have one more visit. I feel like I didn't have to tell her what she meant to me - first off, we're not that kind of family. Second, she knew. And I knew. And that's all that matters. 

It was 6 weeks from diagnosis. She had several rounds of chemo and radiation and then, apparently, all heck broke loose, and what was at first deemed "rare but treatable," turned to "rare, and aggressive."

There's not much more to say right now. 

The Club Nobody Wants to Belong To...

Do you know what I'd want for my birthday? What would be the absolute best gift? It would be for the doctors to say to my sister, "This is treatable, and you'll be fine."

I'm not sure that's going to happen. We were supposed to get together last weekend, and we were told, "Nope." She hasn't answered a single text of mine. 

Don't they look pretty? Pretty evil...cancer cells under an electron microscope. Makes them look almost like works of art. I'm not sure if these are what's in my sister's body. 

All we know right now is that her cancer is "rare" and "aggressive." BIL wants to take her for a second opinion. A relative has offered to fly them to Mayo Clinic (about a 45-minute flight as opposed to a 10-hour drive). My sister is said to be considering it, and I would agree, if she was asking me. Even if the news is the same, a second opinion in this kind of situation is something that I think is valid. 

The plan is to visit at some point, but I'm not sure when. She's scuttled a few visits already, and what's troubling is that I'm not sure we have a lot of time. 

It's not a situation I've ever wanted to manage, but in several instances in my adulthood, I've had to be the "Angel of Death" and tell people the absolute worst news. I don't like being in that situation, and I'm hoping that I don't have to. I just don't know. 

The Kitchen...

So, one of the best tools to have in your kitchen? A ruler. A standard, plastic ruler. I've used it when I've made Japanese Milk Bread. I've used it time and again to re-measure a pan. I've used it for tons of things. It's so helpful, and we don't often think of it. 

I've seen fancy measuring devices like silicone sheets you roll dough on, the board scrapers (only about 6" of length there, and I don't often feel like adding!), those strips you put on either side of our rolling pin... Nothing beats a 50-cent plastic ruler. 

Easy to clean, easy to use. Comes in lots of colors! So technically, you could have a green one for pastries, and a red one for meats? Why not? 

Made chicken soup the other night; and I added some dried seaweed to it. Aside from the mineral benefits and a bit of salt, it added a nice crunch to the top of the soup. It also adds a nice green bit to a soup that can be kind of "beige." 

I used a standard recipe: dice up a chicken breast and saute till lightly browned, and remove it from the pan. Then saute some chopped carrot, stir around on med-hi heat for about 5 minutes, add chopped celery, stir another 5 minutes. Cover your pan and lower your heat. Stir occasionally for another 6-7 minutes. Then, remove lid, add chopped leeks and a couple cloves of garlic (diced) and stir that around for a few minutes, just so the garlic gets golden. (NOTE: Nothing worse than burned garlic!).

In the meantime, have a soup pot ready, with about 6 cups of water in it. Add a Knorr Veggie cube for every 2 cups of water, and start it boiling. Add your meat & veg. Add some fresh ground pepper, add a bit of thyme, maybe some marjoram if you have it. Parsley, for sure, either fresh or dried. Let it come to a gentle boil, then add half a package of No-Yolks egg noodles, bring back to a boil and let it cook for however long the noodle bag says - about 6-9 minutes. 

There you go. Easy soup. 

The Knitting...

Still working on the blue striped sock. Told my yoga class that I had to rip the other one, and there was one student who said, "Wow, that would fit MY foot!" We all laughed. I think she might've been serious. 

I guess if I was ambitious enough, I'd have them all trace their feet and measure their shins. But I'm not that ambitious. Washcloths, maybe. Not socks. 

As you can see from the picture here, I'm using a silicone blister bandage. It lasts for about 3-4 days, and keeps me from puncturing my index finger, which is my "pusher" finger. It works better than just about anything I've found. And it's not obnoxious-looking! So I can wear it for a few days, and it doesn't get grimy. 

And as I pulled out my knitting to settle in with episodes of "A Place to Call Home," I did...just about what I do every couple times I knit socks. I pulled out the WRONG needle. 

No picture of the ACTUAL incident -- I was busy stuffing the live stitches back on the needle. Thankfully, the wool was "grippy" enough to not drop down a bunch of rows! It happens regularly enough that I don't freak out (as much) but I still react kind of quickly so as to not lose the stitches. 

As you can see, the top needle was the one I planned to pull out to start knitting. But...I pulled out the bottom one. 

I can tell you the first time it happened. I was working on a sock in a gorgeous fall-like colorway, from Lorna's Laces. That yarn? Stunningly smooth. Not grippy. And thus the downfall. As the NEEDLE slipped out of the stitches (this time, I didn't pull the needle out - it FELL out!), the little buggers droped as I was watching them. PLINK, PLINK, PLINK...(at least that's the sound that they make in my head, rather a gleeful sound, as as my heart makes a sound like THUNK, THUNK, THUNK...while it drops faster than those stitches do) By the way, I frogged that entire sock, stuffed the yarn into a bag and put it in time-out for a while. 

Funny thing happened at the oral surgeon's office. I had to go get some paperwork to drop off to my dentist, and it was a bit of a wait. Apparently, they couldn't find something...so I sat there knitting. After a while, one of the techs said, "Oh, look, knitting!" and I commented that I was also wearing hand-knitted socks. This tech literally lifted my pant leg (I was in the chair already), and petted my sock... I was a tad taken aback. Nobody has ever asked to pet my socks. 

All the girls at the front desk then wanted to see the socks I was wearing, as well as the ones I was knitting. That was probably the most fun trip to the oral surgeon ever!  The picture to the right is the pair I was wearing and the ones I'm knitting. 

Incidentally, the pair I'm wearing in this picture to the right? They're about 5 - 7 years old. Opal yarn. Wears like iron. Now, I just wish they'd come out with some variegated, like they used to. I love the self-patterning, but I'd like to get back to the variegated like these pink + green ones. Sometimes, you don't want a lot going on. You just want a plain sock that's sort of mindless. I mean, obviously, the blue stripe is mindless - I'm just knitting and letting the yarn do the work. But with a variegated yarn that changes colors every so often, it just seems simpler. 

I bought myself a birthday gift... Yarn. Of course. I bought Expression Fiber Arts North DK and I'm making the Gofleidio shrug/sweater/cardigan pattern. I'm not sure what you'd call it, but I know that I can knit it, and that I'll enjoy wearing it. It's been years since I've knit a sweater. 

So I changed up the colorway a bit. I kept the grey tones: Penguin, Midnight Snowfall, Peaceful Hush... But I changed out the pinks. Instead, I did Enchanted North (dark blue), Wintering North (medium blue) and Solstice North (yellow). Yeah, I don't normally wear yellow, but that as a "pop" with the greys and blues? I thought it would spark it a bit. I've always liked grey with yellow, and blue with yellow. So hopefully, that will work out in this garment. 

Random Picture...

Well, it's January. And strangely enough, we've had an insane amount of ice. Including sub-zero temperatures, so that the icy-melt stuff doesn't work. 

We live where there are alleys. You drive up the alley to get to your respective parking area and then you drive down the alley to get out to the street. Very few houses have front-loaded driveways in our neighborhood. It's older, the streets are narrower, and there's just not a lot of front-yard space. The houses are long, rather than wide. 

So it was pretty nasty getting into and out of the alleys for a few days. Mind you, the sparkly layer of ice on the snow, the glassy finish on the sidewalks -- beautiful. And so incredibly dangerous. Even trying to use Yak-Trax, people were sliding all funny. Folks walking their dogs cut straight through yards, because it was safer than trying to walk on either the sidewalk or the road. Nobody minded; it's easier to pick someone up off your lawn than off a sidewalk so slick that you'd never gain footing. 

Finally, after almost a week, it began to melt. Thankfully. I'm a big fan of winter, but ice? I don't bounce like I used to. 

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You Can't Rush The Knitting...

 I know this. I know this like I know the back of my hand. I know this like I know my dog's bark from a thousand others, like I know when bread is risen, like I know my own heartbeat.

And still... I rushed the knitting. The sock, luckily vanilla, is too short and the heel is wrong. I tried it on again, hoping that, after ignoring it for a little bit a long time, somehow the Knitting Fairies would've fixed it. Or my foot magically got shorter. Neither of which happened, so once again, I'll be frogging yet another finished sock - though not all the way. Just to the leg, which is bad enough. It's a bit worse this time around because the LAST one I had to do (the green sock) was only to add about 1.5" to the foot. The rest of the sock was fine. I don't want this to become a habit. This is one skill I would want to not develop. 

You know you've screwed it up when you have an awful lot of yarn for Sock #2...and you look, again, at the first one, and you have that little "knitting nudge" that says, "you really screwed this one up, buddy..." But you don't listen to either. You happily cast on Sock #2, thinking you're really making progress, and "getting knit done," and then... 

WHOMP! Reality smacks you upside the knitting bag, and you realize that it's time to re-think what you were doing, and maybe -- just maybe -- use a measuring tape properly. "That looks like 2 inches" is NEVER going to work. I don't care how long you've been knitting. 

Knitting is dependent on multiple factors, and I'm not even getting into "getting gauge." That, for a sock, in my opinion, is irrelevant. A sock is a sock. If you have the basic recipe, it'll work. I know that, for me, anywhere between 68-72 stitches is a good cast-on, depending on needle size. I know that I usually like a 7" leg, and somewhere around 8.5" for the foot before I begin the toe. I know that I have to do a 6-row "knit" to give a slight roll to the cuff so that I can get it over my "biker calves." 

So, Bob's yer uncle, I can knit a sock. Except when I can't. You can clearly see in this picture that (a) the foot is too short...and (b) the heel flap is NOWHERE near 3" -- more like half that size. So it's frog, frog, frog till I get back to the leg. 

Thank goodness this is Opal yarn, which takes lots of ripping without any harm to the yarn. Unfortunately, it's got an absolutely spot-on, beautiful star toe. Well...so much for that. I guess I'm doing round toes on these when I re-knit Sock #1. 

Also, there was FINISHING to end the old year and start the new. 

A Few Fewer UFOs...

I got on a kick. Just needing to finish stuff before 2022 dawns, and I'm still whining about "too many UFOs." 

Here we have a scarf; a one-skein wonder from Lion Brand, which will go into the gift pile.

Since I'm multi-craftual, this one is in crochet. I can crochet like the wind, but I'm The World's Slowest Knitter. I have to like the process, because I'm so stinkin' slow that I would otherwise be driven crazy by the process...

I like this scarf because I like the gradient. It's acrylic, can't even remember which Lion yarn it is, but I know it's still available because I was recently in JoAnn Fabric, and it was there. 

It's a half-double crochet, which I like for a scarf. It's weighty enough to keep you warm, but not as stiff as some stitches where you feel like you're wearing a horse blanket. And it's not too lacy; there's "just enough" interest. And to crochet it, you get in this really cool groove where your hands just...move. 

Here we have a cup-guard. Boss Lady has, over the past couple of years, given me re-usable Starbucks Xmas cups. Well, those stinkers get HOT when you have a beverage in them. I made one cup-guard out of 100% wool, and I had more wool leftover (Lion again, or maybe Paton's? I can't remember). 

So I figured I could use another one. The first one was knitted; this one is, again, crochet. Single crochet this time. In about 15 minutes, I'm going to blast this with my blow-dryer. I soaked it in hot water, did the hand-felting technique called "scrubbing out the stain," and then squeezed, twisted, and generally beat up the yarn. Then I put it over the cup. Heating it, like I'd do in a dryer, will help the felting process, and since it's on the cup, it should -- SHOULD -- mold right to it. Maybe. Not sure. But it's a cup-guard, so it's not a huge deal if it won't fit 100% correctly. It'll still keep my fingers from scalding. And I have extra yarn; so if all else fails, I can do a drawstring along the bottom and tie a bow on it. It'll be odd, but it'll be mine. 

Next to me, in my various project bags, I have a few other UFOs, so I may dive in there and see what's what. Though I'm going to finish Sock #2, so that I can rip out Sock #1. 

It's a process. 

New Year's Eve...

I'll be watching a Dr. Who marathon, knitting, reading...Because if the snow storm we're supposed to get is just a piddly little thing, then the pyromaniacs in the neighborhood will be out in force. Thankfully, nobody's shooting off guns (though maybe they are and I just get that sound muddled with the M-80s and large boomers?). Mostly I worry because my knitting chair is right next to our picture window. 

Anyway. The point is, Quinn will once again be traumatized by the noise. We'll start dosing her early afternoon, beginning with hemp chews to take the edge off. Then, she'll get a lavender butt rub, and I'll time it (hopefully) so that I can give her at least 1 dose of Sileo when the real chaos starts. 

I've also got a headache because the barometric pressure is changing. That makes it even more fun. 

We don't go out on NYE. Just not party people, and with the Omicron variant of Covid running through our town like crap through a goose? Nope. 

Also, New Year's Day is my one-year "Covid-iversary." And I have to have another test tomorrow... One of my students was exposed at Christmas. I think I'm fine, but I'm not going to wing this. For a very good reason...

Family Health Issues...

After I got home, my sister said to me, "Call me." I was curious, because usually we chat while I'm driving. The last time she said that, she was calling to tell me that my neurologist had died (she used to work for her). 

I thought maybe she'd tell me that her youngest son + wife were having a baby and she didn't want me to crash my car. I was thinking, "They'd better give me knitting time!!" even though I've sort of already got a Feather & Fan afghan started (which I'm going to have to frog back a bit, because I should've used stitch markers, but I digress). 

"I have cancer." 

Oh dear Lord... I wasn't expecting that at all. At. All. 

There are 3 tumors, encapsulated (that's the good part). Her care team has "seen this before" (another good thing). But she's frail because she just came off a bout with pneumonia, and she's had IBS for about 30 years (the not good part). She knows she has to bulk up, but there's that dance between her belly and her brain. 

Part of me wants to be the snotty big sister who says, "Oh, so I have a heart condition and you've got to one-up me?" Believe me, she can take that kind of ribbing, but right now isn't the time. 

We've set up a system where my brother is the point of contact; no sense in all of us bombarding them for information. So far, it's working and she calls me when she feels ready to talk. Due to a complication with putting her port in, her voice still isn't 100% and she's still coughing, so we limit our conversations. 

I'm pretty gutted. 

The good news is that, when I tried to tease her about taking her bag of Xmas cookies home, she did threaten my life. That's a positive sign. 

The Big Blow...

We're anxiously awaiting a big winter storm. Some of us with happy anticipation, and others with dread. But it's December/January in Illinois. It's time. Past time, actually. We should have had snow sooner (thanks climate denying polluters), which has caused us problems with not only the water table, but also with some plants and crops. They need that blanket of snow, and they didn't get it. For reference, this picture is my Rosemary planter. 

Personally, I'm excited because I'm one of those odd folk who really like cold weather, and winter in particular. And I'm also happy because I want the idiots to stay home. I'm so over Covid. 

Tomorrow is my "Covid-iversary." Today, Dec. 31, 2020, I was at home, feeling like I'd been hit by a bus. I thought, "this is my usual cold/sinus thing," but I figured I'd get tested if I didn't feel better by morning. So Jan. 1, 2021, I got tested...and there you go. The beginning of my year-long journey with Covid. 

I recovered at home, but had long-haul symptoms through most of 2021. Honestly, I finally got my sense of taste/smell back after my heart procedure. Otherwise, who knows how long that would've lasted. Frankly, I was resigned to not ever having it back again. 

Which is why the following "big blow" of mine is something I've been mulling for a year. 

If you haven't gotten the vaccination and it's because "you don't know what's in it" or "what the side effects are" then you are being wilfully negligent, uncaring, selfish and mean. 

Do you know what was in your measles vaccination? Any idea what's in your annual flu shot? I didn't think so. Social media has spawned a whole community of amateur virology experts. 

How about we leave that to the people who've actually studied this stuff and not Fox News (which, by the way, required that their employees be vaccinated) and their stupid pundits? How about we care for our fellow humans? You want to profess Christianity as your religion, then maybe start acting like it. "Do unto others" and all that stuff. 

I was going to be sent home after a pretty intense pair of heart procedures because the hospital was being overrun by people with Covid, most of which are unvaccinated. Sorry, but if you're complaining that "the government is trying to tell me what to do" then can you even try to explain why you stop at red lights? Why you don't shoplift? Why you don't haul off and punch someone who's bugging you? (and if you do that last one, why you haven't been arrested is another good question...)

You know why? Because as a mostly civilized society, we obey certain rules. We stop at traffic lights, we wear seatbelts, we don't smoke in restaurants, we don't steal, we respect certain societal norms. 

OK, let's for the sake of argument say that civility has gone down the crapper, which it has by the way... Still. When I'm driving through the neighborhood, I can mostly reliably figure that the driver on my left is going to obey the stop sign. I can mostly reliably figure that the person in the grocery store aisle isn't going to boost a 6-pack of soda. I can mostly reliably figure that someone's not going to vandalize my yard and steal my holiday decorations. 

So why is the vocal minority squealing like caged squirrels about the vaccine? "My freedom." 

My keister. 

YOUR freedom ends when it infringes on another person's freedom. Your freedom to ignore a pandemic is actually not supported by law. When the danger to the public is so great, your own personal beliefs are irrelevant. 

Or, in the words of the great Mr. Spock, "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." 

So. Get the shot. Get the booster. Wear a mask. 

And on the subject of masks? As my friend A. says, "I pushed a freakin' BABY out while wearing a mask!" 

And my friend T., a NICU nurse, says, "Wear the PPE that I have to wear for 12 hours and then complain about your little mask." 

Kudos, ladies. Well said. 

Random Picture...

This was when they all got along. When Raisa was in her first heat. She drove Tippi and Quinn nuts. She whined. She pawed at them. She tried to hump them (didn't go over well with either of them). She cried, she whimpered. 

It was pretty awful. But I'm glad she went through that one heat. I believe we should have let Quinn do that, instead of spaying her when we did; I'm almost convinced that doing it so quickly created some of her long-term health issues. 

I really believe in spaying and neutering your animals. What I don't believe in is doing it really early. A neighbor did it to their dog at 8 weeks -- which is incredibly early and caused issues with the dog's health for the rest of its life. 

Anyway, I remember this period in our house like it was yesterday. And it makes me miss Tippi all the more. 

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