It Got Me Thinking...

...a phone call I had today with a researcher. Not one of those, "We'd like to ask you a few questions about dish detergent" researcher. But someone from a writer's group who asked for some volunteers for a project she's working on. 

She's a "confidence coach," and was working with women, mostly entrepreneurs, to enable them to grow personally as well as professionally. 

She said to me, "You sound quite confident and balanced."

Well. Let's just say I fake it well. Because it got me to thinking. AM I as confident as I project? Some days, I don't feel it. Some days, I've got the world by the tail. MOST days? I don't feel it. I feel like I'm faking my way through it. 

I'm confident in most decisions I make, in regard to the studio, at least. And I'm confident - for the most part - in the personal decisions I make. But I think -- particularly since I'm staring 60 in the face -- that I am re-evaluating a lot of things. I'm re-evaluating what I'm choosing. What I've chosen. And where I want to go and who I want to be. 

None of this is strange. I think there are landmark birthdays where you really get set back on your heels and you have to come to full stop and think a moment or two. For me, 30 was a piffle. However, 35 hit me hard. Forty was another piffle. I saw 50 as "finally grown up." But 60? I'm not sure how I feel about that number. 

I'm not buying the "60 is the new 40" crap. Because that's a tale we tell ourselves. It's a lot like the "prosperity gospel" stuff that the televangelists preach. The only "prosperity" is theirs because you're foolish enough to send them your hard-earned money. 

Yes, I believe that you should seek out positivity. But reality is a nice place to live. Not "reality" as in "reality TV" or... the current state of the White House and the Occupant... But "reality" as in, "Let's be realistic and look at both the profits and the pitfalls of what we're thinking about here. How do we best accomplish the task or the plan that we're looking at?" 

I have a sock yarn called "Unicorn Farts." It's a fun name. It's not the nature of the world. We're not here to believe strictly in daisies, buttercups, unicorn farts, and fairies. 

Yes, it's a big, beautiful, wonderful and wonder-filled world. It's also a world where animals are abused; kids are abused; women are abused; the planet is having a major meteorological hissy fit; two crazy man-boys are pushing us to the brink of World War III. "Thoughts and prayers" only go so far. 

Reality means we get down to brass tacks and become activists and advocates for the change we want to see. However that shapes up for us, getting on the phone, writing letters, standing for something and DOING something? Much better than daisies, buttercups, unicorn farts, and fairies. 

Autumn...

Well. That was a bust. It was 95 degrees today. In Illinois. It's the first day of Fall. Mother Nature isn't done with us yet. 

I met with my friend K who came back on one of the last flights from Puerto Rico. She's kind of a basket case, not knowing what will be left after this latest hurricane. I've asked her to teach some classes at the studio -- to bring some "normal" into an entirely abnormal scenario. She commented that this weather was "certainly weird." You could say that. It's almost October. 

We've had warm-ish Octobers before. But this is August. This is "chew on the air" weather -- Illinois folks are used to an August where you can sort of slice the air and gnaw on it because it's so sticky, hot, and heavy. Not at the end of September, though. Especially since, this past August, we didn't even break 90 degrees. At all. 

According to reports, we're having a "wet and mild" winter. We need "nasty cold freezing" to (a) kill all the germs we're not used to dealing with year-round; and (b) snow enough to raise water tables. 

We shall see. Mother Nature, on behalf of the sorry, stupid human race, I apologize and beg your forgiveness. Will you stop now? Thank you. 

Sunrise...

Today on the way to work, I was, thankfully, running early for once. I had to pick up a gift card for a raffle at the office, so I was able to scoot out of the house quickly. As I drove north on Rt. 53, I noticed a heavy ground fog. So I figured I'd nip into my new "favorite place"... the old swing bridge trail. 

And I wasn't disappointed. 

Well, I was a tad disappointed. This shot is at the base of the hill, and I had to skootch up a bit to get the sun in the shot. It's only on my phone. I need to grab the big camera and try again. Don't you love the light? It was beautiful. 

Knitting...

I'm still beavering away on the shawl; it does go quickly, and my animal Reiki-practitioner friend says she has the same yarn...which is really weird since this is a rather unique yarn company and what are the odds that a yarn that was a gift to me would be in someone else's hands? Either way, if she does have it, she's got another idea of what she can knit with it... 

I'm on the 6th point, if you count the first one. There are 18 points in this pattern. Still a little freaked out about the double yarn-overs, but so far, it's been a positive experience. The way the colors are laying out is quite interesting to me. When I had the hank just laid out, I wasn't quite sure how the grey would work into all of it. It almost looked like it was going to pool like crazy, but it really isn't. It's obvious there's a "plan" to the colors, but it's not - at least to my eyes - either a traditional self-patterning or variegated. That's what's going to make this unique. 

I've already eyeballed some amethyst sock yarn that may be the next iteration of this pattern. 

For me, knitting is "process" as well as "product." I mean, there are knitters who purely love the PROCESS of knitting. The act of knitting. If they never finish something, they're just happy knitting. Other knitters are "product" knitters. They want to just get the project done so they have a "thing" knitted. 

I'm a blend of the two. I like the process. It's meditative, even when I want to throw it against a wall. I like finishing, but I don't mind having 3 or 4 (or 5 or 6) projects on the needles. I'll get it done. Except for The Dreaded Teal Sock (yeah, I know...it'll get done), I really just go from project to project. I'm not wedded to any one project. I did put the Dr. Who project bag in the car and as I was waiting for a yoga class to get out (so I could get in to teach), I put a few rows on the Sole to Sole sock. It'll get done. 

I think that's my new mantra. "It'll get done." 

I need to knit or read to recharge my batteries. I'm rather introverted, though I fake the extrovert part. And when I come home, I want to just. Sit. I need quiet, and I need to recharge somehow. These solitary pursuits help me gather myself for the next "exposure to people." Does that sound horrible? I can't help it if it does. It's true. 

Random Picture...

So when I recently cleaned off the Arlo table (used to be where our canary Arlo resided), I put up the beautiful pottery bowl from my mom's friends and I put up my Buddha. This little guy used to rest on my desk in a prior office.  For what it's worth, it didn't keep anyone calmer there... But that's another chapter in the novel. 

Close to him are the Lake Michigan rocks, notice the heart-shaped marking on the one on the left. From the left, the next rock down is raw citrine, then a rounded, faceted garnet (middle). Up toward the right is raw jade, and then the other Lake Michigan rock. Over to the left, you can see a peek of my chalcedony bracelet. 

I was looking for a "tray" of some sort, and after rummaging in the closet, I came out with this Mikasa "cookie tray" that I got at a close-out sale with the thought that I'd give it as a gift. It's small -- too small for my cookie trays. But it's perfect, because even when I eventually gather more crystals/stones, they'll sit nicely on this little tray. I'm learning about crystals, but for me, it's not necessarily what their "powers" are. It's just that I like them. I find beauty in them, whether raw or polished or faceted. They're a "gazing point" for me. You take your "piece of quiet" where you can find it.