A Radical Act of Compassion...

...maybe.

Or maybe a Radical Act of Self-Realization. 

I was doing some puttering around and came across 4 notebooks. And it hit me with the force of a physical blow. 

These notebooks chronicle my long, long, LONG fight with my body. Otherwise known as "My Attempts to Lose (and keep off) Weight." I've done it all. Weight Watchers, Adkins, Cabbage Soup, No-Carb, Lo-Carb, Sugar Detox, Metabolism B (which worked a treat, except I ate no fruit for an entire year and got "derailed" by eating a banana...)... 

I've exercised. I've had pedometers. I now wear a Jawbone Up! fitness band. 

4 notebooks

And I diaried each thing. Each step. Each workout. Each bite of food I put in my mouth. What hit me were the days where I put little "frowny faces" on the entries. 

Look, I'm not aiming to get to where I was pre-kids. I'm not an idiot. I need to be healthier, but more and more, it feels like I'm losing that battle. 

I am looking 60 in the face soon. I have heart issues. My family has a history of awful cholesterol numbers. I had gestational diabetes with Kid #2. My younger brother is already on cholesterol meds and my sister has a slew of conditions including IBS among other things. 

My brother is the one encouraging me to try (yet again) - Whole30 this time. Which, normally, is nearly how I eat anyway. The holidays have caused me to not only "fall" off the wagon, but leap. I eat when I'm stressed. 

I sit here, staring at those notebooks. Wondering. Trying to discern the message they're obviously sending me. 

Strangely enough, I got 3 different journals for Christmas this year. What's the message there, do you think? 

I'm not whining. Realistically (since I know this vessel in which I live and I know its capabilities and restrictions), I need to lose about 20 lbs. I need to exercise more. I need to do a lot of things...and life gets in the way of the plans I have for myself. 

It could be a lot worse (which, I'm told, is self-defeating - not acknowledging the reality of MY reality). I need to do something, and what I'm thinking about is fairly radical: I'm thinking of burning the notebooks. 

Well, I don't want to waste the unused paper, so tearing out the pages relating to weight/exercise/eating. And burning those pages. Starting 2017 off with the realization that "I" am not my "body" but that I do need to take better care of that body if I want it to continue to serve me. 

It's windy today and we don't have a fire pit, chiminea, or burn barrel. So maybe tomorrow is Burning Day. Thich Nhat Hahn says: "If we face our unpleasant feelings with care, affection, and nonviolence, we can transform them into the kind of energy that is healthy and has the capacity to nourish us." 

So it's time to look up Burning Rituals and get my stuff in order. Maybe that's a way to get 2017 in order. 

Knitting...

Pumpkin Layette

Baby Knitting 2016 is DONE. It's all complete, I even bought the bag and card and wrapped it up ahead of time. And I put the gift where I know I'll find it... Don't laugh - you've probably done the same thing. And if you haven't? You will at some point. 

Goals for 2017 include finishing a few WIPs. So last night, I began working again on the Shape-It Scarf. I have about 1" to go on the "wings." The challenge here will be how to block it, because it's going to be rather large. I need floor space. I have the blocking wires (yay! gift to self!) and the foam lock-together tiles. I just have to figure out where to put it away from the dogs. 

I've posted a few of the pictures on Instagram, and it's been a learning curve to figure out what's going on with that program. I feel like a dunce, but I'll get the hang of it eventually. 

As you may recall, the Shape-it Scarf is a take-off on a Sally Melville design. The lady at the Wool & Co. store (before it changed owners) suggested the "cobweb" yarn that I'm using, which is baby alpaca lace. 

I will have a literal half-ball of this stuff left over. It's over 800 yards. So my next task will be "what to do with the rest of it??" There are a few little shawlettes on Ravelry that I think I can wing out of this. Even a teeny little ascot would be cute. 

I think I can get this done by the end of this holiday period. Then I'll start to finish the mates to the singleton socks. And then I'll work on more socks. Dig out the February Lady Sweater. Root through the closet and see what I've got stashed. 

Kid #1 brought me yarn and a pattern with cables. That's on the list. Not sure how that'll work - my experience with cables is approximately --- well. None. But how hard can it be? I'm told it's a piece of cake, so we'll see how true that is. 

Essential Oils...

Last night, I achieved, with the help of two team members, a new rank in Young Living. It looks like this is going to be the year for this business to expand. So I'm doing some "envisioning" and using the YL "Envision" blend, which is really quite lovely. 

I sell these through the studio, and I can ship anywhere. So if you'd like to learn more about essential oils and how they can enhance your life, let me know. 

And that's the extent of my "sales pitch." I can't sell ice to a person in the desert. But skeptic that I am, I'm telling you - I really do enjoy using the essential oils. I like knowing that this company uses sustainable sources. I like knowing that, with their "Seed to Seal" process, everything is 100% therapeutic grade, and not mixed with fillers or other oils. 

I used other oils before. I love blending them for sprays in my yoga classes. So I was re-mixing a spray which had Rose essential oil. I grabbed the bottles that I used last time, and opened up the Rose. Wheeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww! Unbeknownst to me, the Rose wasn't really "rose." It was only 5% rose. Five. Percent. The rest was grapeseed oil. Which turned rancid. 

It was nasty. Tossed the whole thing in the trash. Young Living's Rose oil is 100% rose. One hundred percent. 

It's that kind of quality that I appreciate, and enjoy bringing to my students. Like I said, if you're interested, check here, then send me a message. I'll be happy to help. Do your own research. I'm not going to twist anyone's arm. Quality is as quality does. 

Tippi...

I'm so pretty!

Tippi is a goofball. She "dressed" for the occasion of both New Year's Eve and today, her putative birthdate - and "gotcha" date. Last night, she sat with me while I sat up watching the Twilight Zone marathon and waiting for the inevitable fireworks/noise/hoopla that brought in the new year. Quinn headed for her crate early. 

I diffused Peace & Calming oil and rubbed a bit of Lavender on each of their heads. Not Raisa, though - she wants nothing to do with essential oils, and scorns the elkhounds' fear of the noise. She was just more or less satisfied with settling in to sleep it all away...

So Tippi also did her "Norwegian Couch-hound" impersonation... She doesn't get up on the couch a lot. She did as a younger dog, but lately, she only goes up once in a while. She prefers to lay alongside my knitting chair, since it's MUCH more convenient for her to beg a belly rub from me. 

Norwegian Couch-Hound

Last night, though, in a break from knitting and TV-watching, I got her up there and was able to at least brush half of her. She loves being brushed - no worries there - but was comfy, so I didn't flip her over. 

I ended up going to bed about 11:30 or so...I probably should've just stayed up since the usual woofing, snorting and barking ensued at midnight. But I was tired. 

Woke up today at the usual time, and for a Sunday, remarkably, decided to not go to Mass. Kid #1 and I will go to lunch, probably try to visit my mom (unless she's somewhere else...) and then come back here. I've cleaned off my "junk table" and put away many of the Christmas gifts, so it's one of those days to just check stuff off my list. I did some stuff for the yoga studio, prepared "New Years" cards (for those late-arrival Christmas greetings), and renewed a few magazine subscriptions. 

Work is done for a bit.

Random Picture...

From today's comics section in the local paper. Ready or not - we're in for an interesting 2017. 

I'm not sure what it'll bring. I'm hoping for peace and a sense of safety. I'm not sure about that. I'm not sure about much. But all I can do is go forward. My friend Joan (who gave me the three journals) gave me a mug (Hubby loved that - not)... It says, "Don't look back. You're not going in that direction."

May all of us face forward, square our shoulders and move on. We're maybe not sure where we're moving on TO, but moving forward is our greatest strength. We shouldn't forget...we should move in a positive direction.