Things I'd Like to Ask my Sister...

I don't know why this hit me today. Well, yes, I do. My friend's sister's one-year anniversary of death is today, and I just saw a commercial on TV about Subaru's work with cancer patients. "When you have cancer, you want support."

Not always... My sister, sadly, retreated deeply into herself and got extremely panicked with the thought of anyone coming to see her. It was quick (while simultaneously seeming to be forever because we were shut out), and it wasn't peaceful. And we, her extended family, were distraught that we were unable to support her. 

So here's what I'd like to ask her:

• How long did you really know that you had cancer? You were an extraordinarily talented diagnostician as a nurse. You had to have a clue. 
• Why did you retreat? 
• Were you afraid we'd judge you?
• Please don't tell me you were too vain to let us "see you like that" because I don't want to believe it (though, to be honest, you had a wide streak of "vain" in you, not gonna lie!)
• Did you know back in September the year before that there was something wrong? That cough of yours...I should have pressed you more. And you said you had a "bug bite" that wouldn't heal. I should have asked about that. But I know your propensity to rip my head off if I come off as "giving advice that's not wanted."
• Would you have changed your mind if you knew how much this would rip our family up? You have siblings who remain devastated. 

And I'd like answers, though I'm not sure I will ever get them, this side of Heaven.

Which brings up a good question. My sister wasn't religious. So does that mean that if I believe in an afterlife, she doesn't and we'll never meet again? I can't quite wrap my head around that. It's something I do grapple with. 

Recipe...

I need, after the surgery, to get more veggies/fiber in my diet. That surgery really did a number on my bowels, to be honest. And I know that even though the doctors said I'm "borderline anemic," and they want me to eat more protein, I don't do well with a lot of meat in my diet. I never have; I asked my mom. I thought it was a "later in life" peculiarity, and she said that I never was one for eating a lot of meat. Nice to know. 

So I took a page from the Vegan Kid's book and I've made these "dump salads" before. Here's the latest version.

Vegan Dump Salad #4 (I have no idea which number this actually is, but let's just say it's the fourth version)

1 box Chickpea and Lentil pasta cooked per package directions

1 can of French-style green beans, drained

1 can garbanzo beans, drained

4 radishes, sliced thin and quartered (depending on the size of the radish)

2 pieces roasted red pepper, diced

4 green onions, sliced thin, white and green parts

1 can bamboo shoots, drained

Salt & pepper to taste

2 T. Penzey's Potato of Love

1 c. roasted Butternut Squash (optional)

1/2 c. slivered almonds or chopped walnuts (optional)

Balsamic Dressing (see below for recipe)

SMALL BATCH BALSAMIC DRESSING: (This is good for 2 large salads and can be refrigerated for a couple weeks)

2 T. balsamic vinegar

2 T. Dijon mustard

1 T. honey (or maple syrup if that's your preference)

1/4 t. kosher salt

6 T. olive oil

In a medium bowl, so you have some "whisking room," add everything EXCEPT the oil. Whisk to blend and make sure it's blended well. This is a small batch, so it's easier to whisk by hand. 

Add, BY TABLESPOON, the oil, mixing well after each addition of oil. 

SALAD: Drain the pasta and rinse with cool water. Dump everything into a large bowl (I use a Rubbermaid one with a cover so I can keep it in the fridge). Add about half the dressing and mix well. Let it cool for a couple hours. Upon serving, sprinkle with the nuts if you're using them. Serve with crunchy bread or crackers.

OPTIONS: I always love options. Normally, if I had them, I would add a can of corn, a handful of dried cranberries, maybe golden raisins. You can use regular pasta in any variety or shape if you want, and you can add chopped chicken if you want - shrimp would be good, too, if you're not styling this as a vegan dish. Instead of pasta, try quinoa for even more protein. Add more beans. 

Guilty Pleasure...

I really don't have many vices. OK, excessive purchase of yarn and books. But I don't drink alcohol, I don't smoke or swear. Mainly I drink tea and water. I'm pretty boring. 

I have found Nutella. Yeah, I know - a gazillion grams of sugar in that stuff. But oh, my word! It's just addictive on English muffins. 

Just a random note about me, I guess. I have a sweet tooth. 

Random Picture...

Yesterday, I was "in the out." I sat outside while Hubby was putting together our little fountain. He was cussing. Apparently, the old pump motor froze up and it won't go. We have a spare one, but by the time he realized he couldn't make the old one go, he was pretty frustrated. 

I brought out my $10 solar fountain. Yeah - it's not exactly top of the line, and it needs to be replaced every year because our water is so hard and full of minerals. But it works well in our little bird bath, and it keeps the water moving. 

And we tried a "hack" I found on a gardening forum of putting 7 pennies in the bottom of the bird bath to keep algae at bay. We'll see if that works. 

The sky was beautiful. It was unseasonably cool for July in Illinois, and the birds were chirping. We sat for a while and just enjoyed the view. 

This morning, I saw a hummingbird stop briefly at my new feeders (we're pretty late in the season, but better late than never). Storms are supposed to move in later; I hope it's not a tease because we need the rain. 

Enjoy whatever today brings you!