Dear Mother Nature:

Dear Mother Nature: Please make up my mind. Either I'm having a period or I'm not. Either I'm having PMS or I'm just a cranky old woman. Quit fiddling around and messing with my body. I'm tired of the 5-lb. monthly gain. My family would like to see a CHEERFUL me once in a blue moon. I would like to not have to worry about sudden surprises. And yes, I'm done with kids. If you want me pregnant, you'll have to send 3 guys on camels and a big bright star in the East. I'm 51. I'm done. Please quit making me stay on the Menopause Merry-go-Round. Yours truly, Tired of it all...