When is Enough - Enough?

I'm sure this will offend someone. I know. And I'm apologizing in advance. A real, truly sorry, apology. But I have a question. And I'd like an answer. When you are wanting a child, when is "enough" "enough"? I'm reading a story about a woman who has had, at last count, eight - yes, EIGHT miscarriages, and has one child. She and her husband have been through several IVF treatment cycles. It's just not working. Yet, she and her husband are trying yet another IVF cycle. She has one child. She wants another. When do you call a halt? When do you consider adoption? When do you sit down and thank your God for the child you have? When do you consider that, maybe in the grand scheme of things, one is all you're getting? When do you consider that, for some people, ONE would make them "over-the-moon" happy? Disclosure: I've been pregnant 4 times. I've had 2 kids. That's 50/50 odds, and the second one tried to deliver himself at 4 months. I figure I'm done. My body gave me a message. I had two kids, they're healthy, and I lost 2 kids. This was, of course, when IVF was in the time of "Baby Louise" and it was just outside of the realm of a "normal" couple. I have a friend who has gone through IVF. Adoption is, apparently, NOT on the table. They have no children. I don't know where they stand, and it's kind of a touchy subject. You obviously don't want to start a conversation with, "Hey, Sally - you pregnant yet? You still think adoption isn't a good idea?" Of course. That's insensitive. And I'm trying to NOT be insensitive. And I do know what it's like to lose a child. And I do know what it's like to give birth. But I still wonder. What drives couples to continue to do this? And when do you know that your body, your budget and/or your marriage has had enough? I can truly understand "baby hunger." Because when it was my "time" for having kids, it always seemed that EVERYONE was pregnant, except me. Please believe me when I say that. However, I have to say, in all honesty, that if it didn't work out, I would have taken it as a "sign" that it wasn't supposed to work out. I wonder why - and how - couples put themselves through this. This kind of begs a bigger question. Just because the technology is out there, are you compelled to use it? Would you feel that you'd "failed" at trying to be a parent if you chose not to use it, or if you went through "only" one cycle and it didn't work? Maybe these questions are unanswerable. Maybe I'm not meant to know the answers, and maybe it's all just too metaphysical in its entirety. But I still wonder. I would like to think that everyone who WANTS to be a parent can be one. But I read the stories, and I know what my friend is going through. And I wonder.

Pecked to Death by a Duck

The other day, the youngest boy decided to try out his testosterone. Wasn't the first time, and at 18, it's likely not going to be his last! After a long day's work (double shift), I walked into the house, intent only on vegetating in front of the TV with a book. Then, the youngest boy comes home - just about the time I'm in my jammies and ready to wind down for the night. He starts in. "Why can't I......?" "You always..." "I never get to...." I told him that if he wanted to start an argument, he needed to pick his time better, and not start something that I was too tired to finish. "Oh, so now, it's MYYYYYYYYYY fault???" (Can't you just hear the whine there?) I said, "You know, fighting with you at this point is like being pecked to death by a duck. Knock it off; I'm tired and I'm going to bed. If you want to continue this, do it in the morning, when I'm awake." I read a book once, called "Pecked to Death by Ducks" - and it was hysterical. I think I still have it hanging around. It was Dave Barry-esque and a really good read. And it was appropriate. Ever have a fight with a teenager who was ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that you were, by doing (or not doing) whatever it was at the moment, TOTALLY RUINING his or her life? And isn't that kind of like being pecked to death by a duck?? I can't wait till he gets to the age of the older one, who, every once in a while will tell me, "You know, mom, you were right about...." As a mom, you live for those days.

Winter has arrived. And I almost....ALMOST have a UFO finished for my dear hubby! I started a scarf for him - a garter ridge pattern where the middle 10" or so is a K3, P3 rib. I have SIXTEEN ROWS to finish. And it's supposed to snow about a foot tonight; with cold temps forecasted for the week. Hurray!!!! A project that will be finished within the SEASON it's intended to be used! I'll post pictures of it as soon as it's done.

Is Civility Dead???

Just checking, but I have to ask. Is civility dead? I'm not even talking about "real people" - I'm talking about online civility. Where did so many people leave their manners? I do participate on several discussion threads; and I do read other's blogs. And I wonder where the manners are. Can we just disagree, or must we dissolve into name-calling, swearing and complete nincompoopery when it comes to those who "aren't like us"? Look at the television - Rosie and The Donald are fighting, and so he calls her "fat." Well. There's a news flash. I'm sure Rosie knows she's fat; just like Donald knows his toupee is awful looking. But here's a man who bills himself as "the best" at what he does. And the minute someone pokes a hole in his seriously out-sized ego, he calls her "fat." Oy, Donald. Get over yourself. Rosie knows she's fat. And you know what? While you don't give a hoot about what "normal" people think, you've alienated a whole group of people - fat women. Since the rate of American obesity is pretty high, that's a significant demographic. And, I'm just speculating here - there just MAY be some pretty rich fat women. Who knows? Donald, you may have just shot a future investor in the foot...or wherever. People online have a curious habit. They think they're invisible so they can be whatever they want at the moment. It's the ultimate fantasy life. I could tell you that I'm 5'9" with long dark hair and I weigh 145. Well. That's hardly the reality. I'm 5'4" with short grey hair and I weigh a little more than that. Hey - I'll admit my height, but you gotta at least give me a break on the weight thing. I post on a board through Weight Watchers. I've blogged about a wonderful group there, my Knitsters. But there is another board that I post with, and I have to tell you - it's a typical hate-filled relationship with a couple of posters. The WW people obviously don't want to implement some easy controls, so they let these people thumb their noses at their first rule: Be courteous. These people seem to think that ANYONE who doesn't agree with them is "fat, an idiot, a moron, and stupid." Oh, it's such a waste of bandwidth. I use WW online - that's my meeting. I pay for that. These "trolls" are non-paying members who are allowed access to the boards. I have a suggestion for WW: enforce your rules. It will make for a happier community.