Picking Up... Stitches & Pieces

On Monday, it'll be a month since my sister's passing. I must've gotten over 50 cards, and I truly feel the care and thoughts of everyone. 

I can't tell you how many times in the past few weeks I've picked up the phone to call or text her. I saw a mug with a nursing theme, and thought, "Oh, Betty's Christmas gift!" Well, no. 

I feel like I'm not 'grieving' enough. I have no idea how to grieve; logically, I know there's no "right" or "wrong" way to do it. I just feel inadequate.

Some days I can go a while without ruminating about everything. I can't help but think that, when I saw her in September, and we went antiquing, while my hip was giving me fits, I noticed that she was hacking and her breathing was a little rough. She passed it off by saying, "I'm trying to stop smoking." I thought that made sense because other people I knew who'd tried or succeeded in quitting told me that the first few weeks, it feels like "you're hacking up a lung."

If only I'd pressed a bit. I did tell her that I was proud of her quitting. To me, though, that's small consolation, because I believe in my heart that she had the cancer then. And she did tell me about the "bug bite" that wouldn't go away (which turned out to be one of the tumors). She was always afraid to worry me; she was concerned that my heart would act up, but honestly, I'm not a shrinking violet and my heart is as strong as that of a mule. She could also be prickly about her own health issues. 

Hindsight is indeed 20/20.

All of the rose petals are dried. In the next few weeks, we'll send them off. And my nephews are reviewing the scholarship documents this weekend, which is exciting. It's coming together. 

But I still wish she was here. 

I think this weekend, I'll be taking the cards off the table and packing them away. They'll go in my drawer where I can pull them out when I need them. 

The Knitting...

I finished the second sock, and frogged the first one. It was weird clipping that toe and ripping yarn. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, and I finished the heel flap last night. 

Turning the heel is still magic, thanks... and I am now working on the gusset. In order to start the gusset, you have to pick up the stitches along each side of the flap. I have kind of a unique way to do it. 

When I first learned, Sonda told me, "You can use a crochet hook, but you won't need to." Well, I need to. I always have, since she showed me. It's just that now, my crochet hook is smaller. 

Normally, you'd use your needle to pull through each stitch, and you'd do about 16 or so stitches on the heel flap. I do a 3" heel flap, just because I like it. And so I'll also often pick up 20 or more stitches, regardless. 

Sonda told me that, too. "There are no knitting police, and if you think it's a little "holey" then pick up a few more stitches!" Also, I pick up two extra when I get to the instep, so that there's no hole in that area. 

With a crochet hook, since I'm "bi-craftual," I'm pretty comfortable picking up those stitches and putting them on the needle. Of course, sometimes they're twisted, but that takes about two seconds to switch while you're knitting it up. So this also means that my gussets are kind of long, but that also works in my favor because I have a high arch. The longer gusset seems to fit my foot better. It can get a little odd looking, like a foreshortened foot, but honestly, nobody but me sees the foot anyhow. 

So who cares? Sonda was actually pretty fascinated at how quickly I could pick up using the hook. It just made sense to me. The other way, with the needle, was a little harder for me and I kept either dropping the stitches or splitting the yarn. 

I will admit it's a little cumbersome on the 4th needle (the SSK side), because you have to pick up the stitches along the heel flap before you get to the stitches left from the heel turn. 

I'm zipping around this part of the sock and it should go quickly. 

I have to figure out a project for an airplane... In June, it looks like I'm going to Baltimore for a conference. Of course, I'll have to check the TSA regulations, and I'm assuming that I'll be able to go -- Lord knows what with Covid and the newest variant. 

The airline folks get twitchy with socks using double-pointed needles, in spite of what I've read in the Yarn Harlot's blog...and I don't want to take a shawl because that can be too bulky. I usually try to take something that can be done on circular needles, because so far, they've allowed those. I have a bias scarf that I could probably take; it's been my "forever" travel knitting project just because it's mindless. It's from Churchmouse, and called "Before and After" because it looks like heck till you block it! It's lace-weight on a size 7 circular needle and there's beading on either end. It's quite long, and mine is done in a "peacock" colorway for the first one, and a yellow-green (which is odd, but it does go nicely with the peacock) for the second one. I haven't quite finished the first one, but I hope to be done with that one by the time I get on a plane. 

If you think about it, it's the perfect project to wear when you're on a plane, or in a conference room where you never know what the AC is going to be like...

I've been considering what to do for the next thing after these socks. I have several WIPs to finish, as well as...more socks. Several singletons still need mates done. 

I'm leaning toward finishing "Copland" from Expression Fiber Arts, or finishing my February Lady Sweater, which is top-down in a luxurious silk/alpaca blend. I also have the most adorable pewter buttons for that. 

I wore my sawtooth shawl to church the other day. It's an asymmetrical one, and Hubby had to help me style it. Asymmetrical shawls are fun to knit, but a pain to wear. I don't have a lot of panache and so I don't "randomly toss it over the shoulder." I want the thing to stay in place. 

We decided to drape it like a cowl, and stick a shawl pin on the right side, catching both ends underneath. It worked. This is one of those Lion cakes and I didn't want another 6-foot garter stitch scarf. I don't even remember this pattern. The yarn, acrylic, is actually surprisingly warm. I believe the pattern was in a website that had patterns suggested for these cakes. 

I bought "The Complete Surprise" book by Cully Swansen. It's a compilation of the variations of Elizabeth Zimmerman's Surprise Jacket. I could maybe also take a "Baby Surprise" along on the plane...it's a masterful piece where you just knit and make this "blob." Then you fold the blob and voila! A baby jacket! I can always use a baby jacket in stash. 

I think that's half the fun: figuring out what to do next. But I have to start wearing the things I'm knitting (aside from socks; I do wear the socks!). My jobs now are more casual, so I don't have to "get fancy." I have a couple shawls that are out of sock yarn, so they may go into my suitcase for the trip in June. 

The Olympics...

Doping. Seriously. Russia was banned from competing, so they "re-brand" and call themselves "Russian Olympic Committee" -- big deal... Banned = banned. Period. 

For the skaters to even be there is ridiculous. And for a 15-year-old to be abused by her coaches is just cruel. The doping by the Russians is legend. It's just that now they're getting caught. 

And let's talk about the skating. From the few routines I saw, it's all about the quad jumps. There's very little artistry anymore. It's just "skate to the next jump." Which is pretty boring, to me. I saw Nathan Chen's routine, and he was amazing. I don't mind that the guys are more "athletic" in that they're all doing quad jumps, but he still managed to bring artistry and a sense of joy to his skating. But it seemed like the only woman skater who enjoyed herself was the young woman from Japan. 

Speaking of young women, I believe there should be a minimum age of 18 to compete. Much like the gymnastics teams, when they say "women" and the kids -- actual kids -- are the ones competing? It's not only harmful to the kids physically, but also emotionally. Imagine a young woman being "washed up" once she starts developing, if she hasn't screwed up her system. Many of the young women don't even have periods because of the rigorous training. 

I was pleased this summer to see the gymnasts on the US team because they LOOKED like women. They had muscles. They weren't just barely teenagers. 

I hope the IOC grows a spine. But I'm not holding my breath. 

Random Picture...

I bought some blueberries the other day - they were ENORMOUS! And of course Quinn was there. Blueberries are her favorite. She doesn't care if they're fresh or frozen. She kind of likes the crunch of the frozen ones, if I'm honest. But she won't turn her nose up at a fresh berry. Or apple. Or orange. Or banana. She loves her fruit. 

Raisa likes to try to "kill" them, but I didn't feel like cleaning up that mess. So Quinn and I shared a few blueberries. 

It took me several tries to get the picture; she can be kind of a "snatcher," but she's working on her "easy" command. I didn't want to toss them, because they were fresh and quite juicy. 

I guess I was lucky to keep my fingers! 

Looking for yoga but not ready to come into a studio? 

We have Zoom options. 

Contact us at info@just-breatheyoga.com or text/call (815) 546-2770 to find the class that best suits you. 

If you're in the Will County, IL area, we're starting workshops again! Yoga 101 is in-person, starting Wednesdays in March for 5 weeks. This series will give you the basics and you'll be ready to step into a basic class with confidence; 6-7:15 p.m. 

Yoga Nidra is a Karma class. We're collecting donations for the Elizabeth Morman Nursing Scholarship being established at Joliet Junior College. 

Friday, March 25, in-studio, check our website at www.just-breatheyoga.com to register. 

Private sessions (in-person or Zoom), small group classes (in-person or Zoom) and all our classes are open for drop-ins. 

 

Reading and Cooking...

I need to get my act together. I need to get serious about getting healthy, particularly in light of the re-do of the PVI (pulmonary vein isolation, a/k/a cardiac ablation) and my hip injury, which has seriously impacted my physical activity. 

I spent about 3 hours yesterday listening to the replay of a workshop that I missed (what with my sister and all...) on hip labral tears. It was really interesting, and I'm eager to know more. 

And it's not that I want to go vegan. I love cheese too much, honestly. But I think if I can "partially" vegan it all, that might help. I do feel lighter when I eat less meat. 

I asked Kid #2 for the recipe for the bean salad we had when we were in Kentucky. Wrapped in sprouted or whole wheat tortillas, they were a great on-the-go lunch with an apple as we traveled. 

So here's my take on it. Vegans, feel free to add all the red/green/yellow peppers and red or yellow onions you want. 

THE BEAN SALAD:

1 (15 oz can) EACH: Garbanzo beans, kidney beans, black beans (your choice, but have at least 2-3 kinds)

1 (4 oz) can Yellow corn

3 stalks celery, chopped fine

1/2 cucumber, peeled and sliced into chunks

1 small can EACH: sliced bamboo shoots and water chestnuts

1 bunch spring onions, chopped white parts and green parts

Penzey's Sunny Paris & Mural of Flavor spice blends, to taste

Salt & pepper

Field + Farmer Lemon Garlic Basil dressing (or your favorite vinaigrette)

Drain the canned veggies and rinse. Dump into a large bowl (I used a Rubbermaid bowl with a lid so I could shake it all together). Chop the celery fine, slice the spring onions, with the white part, and about 4-5 green ends chopped for spice and color. Add them to the bowl with the cucumber. 

Drizzle vinaigrette on the salad, add the salt, pepper and herb blends to taste. If you're using a lidded bowl, put the lid on and shake, shake, shake. 

NOTES: Refrigerate for best taste blending, but you can also eat this right away. Think about light and dark red kidney beans, canelli beans, Great Northerns, black-eyed peas, pinto beans...the combinations are pretty endless. 

Mushrooms: I had sauteed mushrooms, so I added them to my wraps.

Dressing: Don't drown this!!! Go light on the dressing and remember you can always add a teaspoon more. You can't take it away...at least not easily!

Original Version: The Kid uses red onions, yellow peppers, chopped parsley, sometimes chopped mint. Homemade vinaigrette, too. You could toss some previously cooked tofu in there if you have it handy. 

Tomatoes: I wouldn't, unless you have several people eating this. I'm the only one, so the tomatoes actually have too much water in them; by the time I get thru this salad, they'll be mush. 

Cheese or avocado: As you dish this up, chunk up an avocado and add it to the wrap, or if you're inclined, sprinkle on some shredded Asiago cheese. 

Other veggies: Go nuts... add leftover chunks of boiled potatoes. Add cooked rice, farro, barley, quinoa - whatever you have. Get spicy and try different peppers: yellow banana peppers, a jalapeno if you're feeling brave... Cut up olives and add them. Shred carrots (they'll be better and easier in a wrap if they're shredded), canned or fresh peas. Add fresh parsley or basil, in season. Sliced radishes would be amaaaaaaaaaaaazing in this dish!

You can even cook up spaghetti squash or regular pasta (your choice) and then top it with this salad as a wonderful single-course meal. Technically, except for the cucumber, you could warm this bean salad up. Serve with some crusty bread and then maybe some berries as a dessert, and you're good to go. 

Anyway, I know that here it's still cold, the snow remains on the ground, but the object was that I'd have something easy and relatively light to eat after teaching my evening yoga classes. I don't like to teach after I've eaten, because I don't just stand there and call out poses. I was getting tired of eggs (one can only eat so many), I've been trying to avoid deli meat (inflammation, sugar and all the preservatives), and was kind of over yogurt and the original PBJ...

I remembered how much we enjoyed these wraps, and while my wrapping skill is minimal, I'm ok with practicing. 

Orchids blooming...

One of the cattleya plants is blooming. The other one has a flower stalk with buds, but it'll be a while. And we have three of the phalenopsis in bloom. 

The cattleya does have a scent, but I can't smell it. It seems that the return of my scent was only temporary. I have about 50% of it back, but it was only 100% after that huge dose of steroids and antihistamines, and it lasted about a month. 

I can't remember what color the next one is...We have the pink one here, a yellow one, and ... my mind is blank! Anyway, that should be about 3 more weeks till that one blooms. 

The Chicago Orchid Show is on now, through the end of March. Hubby and I decided the temptation was too great. We try to avoid going to the local orchid house, because we don't have a lot of room for the plants. 

The Knitting...

Not much to report. I've started the toe on the blue striped sock. Not much to look at right now. Just round and round. I can tell you that the crazy-tight tension is kind of a pain when you're decreasing,but I can't manage to loosen it much. 

Knitting always tells you how you're feeling, regardless of what you tell yourself. 

I should have that sock finished this week, and will be able to start frogging the finished one shortly thereafter. That one should go quickly. I need to remember that I did Eye of Partridge heel, so that the heels match! Though I've done socks before with mis-matched heels. Maybe I can start a trend? 

Even though the "about-to-be-frogged" first sock has an absolutely perfect star toe, I chose a regular round toe for Sock #2. The toe instructions I pulled had the needles in a different order (the #1 needle was one over from what I had) and I didn't realize it...so I re-wrote the instructions. It wasn't too hard, except I had to remind myself:

SSK = left-leaning decrease

K2TOG = right-leaning decrease

It's important, because you don't want to put the toe decreases on the top of the foot and the bottom (hey, it happens!), and you don't want your lefts to go right, etc. It won't look right and likely won't feel right on your toes. 

The Reading...

I'm currently reading "Pastrix," by Nadia Bolz-Weber. She's fantastic. I've watched many of her videos, and honestly, I can hear her in the words on my Kindle screen. In my recent experience, it's pretty rare to read someone's autobiography and hear them as they actually speak, if I've had the experience of seeing them in person or on the computer. They tend to get more formal when they're writing, which to me stifles their personality. 

She doesn't. It's right there as if you're watching her on Facebook. I love that. 

My vicar gave me Martha W. Hickman's "Healing After Loss," which is organized in a calendar year; you can literally pick the date you want to start reading this. I got it a few days after my sister died, I started my journey with this book on her death date. I'll work through the year. 

And of course, I couldn't ignore Thich Nhat Hanh's books, "No Death, No Fear," and "How to Live When a Loved One Dies." I haven't cracked those, having actually just had them delivered today. 

In the week we were waiting for her wake, I downloaded true fluff... Literal romance novels. I occasionally indulge in this stuff as a "brain cleaner." I tried some new authors. Some of the romance scenes were totally overwrought, but what do I know? All I knew at the time was that I wanted to read, and it had to be pretty much nothing I had to think about. I couldn't even concentrate on my beloved mysteries. That was too much. 

Random Picture...

This is Frozen Niagara in Mammoth Caves. It was one of the hikes we took. I'm a bit claustrophobic, but it wasn't too bad, considering!  The lighting was a bit weird; they didn't want us to use flash, because of the tiny critters who live in the caverns. 

There was lighting there, which was compatible with the tiny critters, and my phone camera did a pretty good job. I did carry the bigger EOS with me, but didn't always have time to haul it out of the bag while we were in the caves. The rangers kept us moving along pretty quickly. I mean, you got to experience the caves, but they weren't dallying. I was able to get the big camera out for the Rotunda pictures, because they let us spread out in that vast space. I got all tingly hearing them talk about how they held concerts (pre-covid) in the space at the holidays...Wow...

I tended to use the EOS for the outside shots. The only time I didn't was when we took that mis-matched hike to Eagle Falls...the one labeled "moderate" that was really "advanced." Kid #2 is still going to pay for that one! 

This trip was one of my favorites...it was a quick one, but we did have fun. 

Looking for yoga but not ready to come into a studio? 

We have Zoom options. 

Contact us at info@just-breatheyoga.com or text/call (815) 546-2770 to find the class that best suits you. 

If you're in the Will County, IL area, we're starting workshops again! Yoga 101 is in-person, starting Wednesdays in March for 5 weeks. This series will give you the basics and you'll be ready to step into a basic class with confidence; 6-7:15 p.m. 

Yoga Nidra is a Karma class. We're collecting donations for the Elizabeth Morman Nursing Scholarship being established at Joliet Junior College. 

Friday, March 25, in-studio, check our website at www.just-breatheyoga.com to register. 

Private sessions (in-person or Zoom), small group classes (in-person or Zoom) and all our classes are open for drop-ins. 

Numb...

 Seriously, I sat here and said, "Self, you have to write a blog about your sister's death."

And....I already did. My mind is numb. My heart is closed tighter than usual. My brother is also having the same problem. Yes, it's grief, but it's also shock and for me a bit of despair. 

I had gotten my sister a "twin" piece of jewelry; one for me and one for her. We share a birthstone. Hers is a bracelet and mine is a ring (because delicate bracelets on me are a lost cause...). She wore hers in her casket. I had my BIL take it off and will give it to her granddaughter. Or my mom can wear it for a while; she's got a small wrist. I have my dad's bones - man-hands and large wrists. 

They're garnets, set in rose gold. Hers are marquise-cut, and mine are oval cut. I was hoping we would share the joy in these pieces, but they are, now, what I would call "mourning jewelry." 

Mourning jewelry often has connotations of brooches, hair braids, lockets, etc. And there's a whole subset of jewelers who specialize in this, as well as antique dealers who have the Victorian market cornered. In our family, this is not a tradition. Or at least it hasn't been. I guess it is now. 

So at her wake, I didn't spent a lot of time near her coffin. Frankly, I wasn't impressed with the "job" the mortician did. She didn't look like herself. Of course, there's a flattening of features, a lifeless quality to the person, because, of course, they're dead. But I have to say, my dad looked more alive than my sister did. And he died over 25 years ago. Techniques should've improved in that time. Anyway, there were tons of flowers. We had the wake from 1 - 4, and thankfully, my BIL didn't want a funeral "luncheon." How would one time that? For the hours BEFORE the viewing? Certainly not after. And in their small town, there wasn't a restaurant capable of holding everyone without the event becoming a late-pandemic super-spreader, which is the last thing my sister would've wanted. 

I baked her favorite cookies. My mom said, "What if you can't bring them in? There may be health department issues." Not if you walk in assuming you own the place and don't give them the option of refusing...and not in a small town with lax mask requirements. If, in the midst of a global pandemic, their attitude toward masks is "meh," then they're not going to turn their noses up at homemade cookies. My dear friend also made triple-fudge brownies. My sister actually disliked chocolate, but the brownies were scarfed down...The funeral home staff was showing me around and said, "Here is our little snack area, and some snacks (consisting of maybe 4 granola bars and some saltines...) -- as the ladies who where there were unboxing my cookies. 

There were her ABSOLUTE FAVORITES, M & M cookies (and I realize the irony of her not liking chocolate, but loving these cookies), vanilla spice cookies, no-bake oatmeal cookies and my version of CPS Butter Cookies, using two very large vanilla beans, scraped into the batter. All that beautiful bean caviar...Yummy, if I do say so myself. 

I had to laugh (one of the few I've had, honestly) because her funeral baking threw a wrench into my vanilla production. I have some of the "old" double-fold vanilla, but my "new" stuff is only from July, 2021, so it's nowhere near being done. That's the Mother Jar where I fished out those 2 beans. So technically, I had to use some Penzey's vanilla. A decent vanilla, to be sure, but my "old" stash is getting slim, so I had to be careful to hoard it a bit till the "new" triple-fold is ready. So baking outside of the "Christmas Rotation" has tossed my carefully-planned system into a bit of disarray. 

But it was worth it. 

The Knitting...

I finally drew a template of my right foot (the larger of my 2 feet - check, because yours aren't the same size, either!). I marked it up for socks, so that I'd have the measurements and not have to keep referring to obscure notes or re-measuring every single time I knitted a sock. 

The blue sock is just about at the toe, probably another 12 rows? I have to get to 7.75" or 8 -- close enough either way. I'm going to do a rounded toe, even though the one I have to frog back has an absolutely perfect star toe. It's coming along in fits and starts. I was plugging away at it for a while, but I just stalled. It happens. This is a bit of an older picture; it's closer to the ball of my foot now. 

I have to remember to not do socks at 64 stitches...I need 68 or 70. When I do 72 stitches, that's like a men's medium, and they're a bit slouchy, even for me. But 64 is snug. Of course, I started this one when my sister got sick, so I'm pretty sure the tension is crazy-tight. 

I have FINALLY found a way to SSK and K2TOG that makes both sides look decent. Usually, my SSK (slip, slip, knit) side was a bit raggedy, while the K2TOG decreases were just beautiful. I came up on a video that confirmed what I was doing in the first place... I slip the first stitch knit-wise and the second one purl-wise. That makes the SSK lay nice and pretty. 

It was so good that I wrote it in my Sock Knitter's Handbook, for posterity. Long after I'm gone, if the kids haven't tossed all my knitting books, someone will benefit from that bit of annotation. 

It's a little hard to see the way these lay unless you increase the size of the picture. But I'm tickled. Seeing the other sock, it's a 100% better method. I'm jazzed and I'm looking forward to doing more socks, just so I can do this again. 

I have to find my notes on Petty Harbor; I have a partial of one sock, and I can't quite lay my hands on the directions. I think I need to finish those next. They're a plain tan sock. I have to find more plain yarn. 

While I love some self-patterning, and I have a bunch of socks that need mates (Petty Harbor being one of them), I need to maybe make some plain ones; that way I can use some lace on the leg, or maybe even a cable -- I don't need the yarn to fight the pattern. And I'm sick of ribbing.  

"Ribbing is like February: it's not really that long, but it takes forever." I modified that quote from something else comparing February to something that seems to have taken forever -- but I can't remember what it was!

Random Picture...

The tradition in the family had been to make rosaries out of the roses from funerals. The
Mantellate Sisters close to our town do this ministry, and there are a bunch of other places that have taken that over. I mean the "keepsake" business. 

Hubby asked if I wanted a diamond made from a bit of my sister, but...no. Sorry. Ick. 

I'm drying the flowers; even though I don't pray a lot of rosaries lately, I have options. So Hubby and I laid these out on newspapers on my office floor. He really wasn't aiming at a design; this just happened as I handed him roses. 

I think it's beautiful.